Hypertension Hyphenating

Is hyphenation the same as hypertension? Because, if it is, I think I have it. 

It is swimming around in my head, and trying to find a nice little row to explode upon and then mercifully die.

I have had the pleasure of languishing lazily between the sheets today. Not in some salubrious silken satin ensemble complete with pelmet frill surround (which, gone are the days, due to the mismatched oblong, double and king sized bed sheets and duvets now to be found in the hot press all scampered together in vague arrangements according to easy access – or in other words – all of the sheets and covers stuffed into various pillow cases as colour-co-ordinated attempts to be more proficient and housewifey – ish).

Rather, the husband has decided that as it is a Bank Holiday (which should be followed by the usual hurrays! But is not – more a feeble – yeh?) I am to be given the day to myself to do with what I want – to pile the dishwasher high with grease stained pans, and unflavoured mugs which have lain in said dishwasher for a week, as yet to be turned-on.

Which in itself makes me think of a lot of others things that could be mentioned along with that last sentence, but I won’t follow suite.

So I have cheerily bye-byed the children and husband (sorry, the husband, son and surly teenager) out the door, (which just banged once with good-old-teen-spirit) and watched the car move, with them in it, in the direction of the main road, (teenager giving me another of her hooded-eye looks from back seat window). I closed the front door and sighed – YES!

For some daring ME TIME! Went back to the kitchen table to read magnificent magazine on home design, decorating – CHECK OUT REMA’S NEW KITCKEN LOOK – Shaker, Quaker, something like that.

The proportions of swags and bunting and co-ordinated counter-tops, presses and tables, was enough to make me start having palpitations of excitement – tinged with dark forebodings of “doing something” to the kitchen during the mid-term break.

Rather than concentrating on what might look good in my own kitchen I recklessly thumbed through two more magazines and then scanned the Net for possible look-a-like rooms to ply my taste-buds upon.

That’s when it all went a bit pear-shaped with the sinking feeling that no matter what I was going to do, it would not live up to the high expectations of REMA’S NEW KITCHEN LOOK.

She had pelmets on things, like tops of windows and a huge dark coffee table with a throw of pink and mauve just dashed onto it in a rug she had constructed herself using her various talents, from sewing up a hem at the whiff of a pincushion – to turning up drapes and firing out small triangular nautical bunting in the blink of a jealous eye.

The first thing REMA suggested was: Find a THEME for your room. Very simple, my theme – County Cottage, no, I think Studio Apartment or maybe the dreaded Functional But Fun.

Covers everything – can’t go wrong with that. Just once it’s not too scientificy and techno.

WHAT WOULD I LIKE TO SEE IN MY NEW ROOM? I would like to see some furniture and the sink.

CAN YOU MAKE A VISION BOARD OF THIS? Yes. I spent half an hour eagerly cutting out shapes from the pages, using the son’s ‘good’ bluntish scissors – sticking together the colours I would choose to co-ordinate if they just so happened to be available in the nearest drapers in town.

I also resisted the urge to completely cross-match with a Match Attack Magazine, managing to just serrate and stick one photo of Lionel Messi (footballer chap) into the top right hand corner near a kitchen chair. Also put head and shoulders of REMA into the equation to balance the look.

We are going for a bit of blue, and lots of green ferns at odd angles near accent walls. Besides the little paint-your-cupboards white, I came across a lovely idea to put a CREATIVE SHELF, onto a wall.

MAKE YOUR MARK. Rema was on a roll. Right I thought, the wooden piece of timber I had salvaged yesterday from the ravages of the foaming beach at Gyles Quay (it is also a harbour) would in Rema’s world, do very nicely, as a shelf in the ‘alcove’ and this needed to be accompanied with some rope and hooks.

Have laid it out on table. Old rope from the shed looking forlornly at me. Just a matter of getting into the ‘mood’ to do some handiwork.

Or I could just fling it all to the one side and hope that a lick of fresh – wait for it – the dreaded word – magnolia - paint – will do the trick. Think we have some in the said shed.

All I have to figure out is where to put all the ‘stuff’ in the meantime. Which I think entitles me to a sit down, a bit of writing time, a coffee, and one of the daughter’s HALLOWEEN HORROR CAKES.

All in all, not a bad use of ME TIME, considering I have just spent the last five minutes trying to lift a pencil off the table – only to realise it was digital image, part of glossy PAGE 23 – HOW TO DIY.

Can almost feel the tension subsiding.